10 Short and Sweet Things

1. Someone that isn’t you falling in public

2. Quickies

3. Bongrips

4. The end of an ice cream cone

5. Childhood

6. Robot Chicken

7. A shot of 151

8. A handjob from an Asian

9. Nick Swardson standup

10. Urinating

Tomorrow’s Barriers

Falling asleep is impossible at times. Silent and motionless as unavoidable thoughts race through your head. The idea of tomorrow puts off sleep, and each second that passes makes peace more unobtainable. The barriers of tomorrow seem impossible to pass, but all there is to do is accept circumstance and ready yourself for the war of tomorrow.

Unreached goals are to be forgotten. Lost battles are to be erased from memory. Negativity is to be locked away and never let out. All you have is what’s in front of you, and all those failures are to the rear. Optimism is the only way out of this dark prison you find yourself in each night.

As you attempt sleep tonight, push the days woes far out of your head and think only of tomorrow’s hope. Appreciate each second that passes as you embrace the love of a warm night’s sleep.

I live for Sundays

Working 30 hours a week and going to school full time can get tough. Not as tough as some people have it I would say, seeing as I am very good at finding ways to slack off at both institutions. You may even be able to call my ability to avoid tough tasks an art form. But still, I don’t have anywhere to be today and that feels great.

I’ll probably start my day off with a shitload of coffee and watch the news. Catching up on all the shit going down in the Middle East is a tiresome process. Someone out there should claim to be a prophet and his message should be that he is the 4th major one sent by the same god. First was Moses, then came Jesus, followed by Muhammad, and finally this guy! Lets call him Todd for now. Yes, the prophet Todd. This extremely intelligent (also super awesome at lying) man called Todd will convince each and every follower of Islam, Judaism, and Christianity that we’re all in on this together, and that the more we kill each other over a few pieces of land in Israel, the more our creator will continue to hate each and everyone one us. C’mon Todd, knock some sense into all these children running with guns and bombs that don’t have the mind capacity to use properly. I’d rather be in a room with my 12 year-old brother wielding an AK-47 than a 45 year-old man of the military that resides east of the Nile. Idiots.

I’ll probably be hungry after I scorn the world, so I’ll probably go make myself a nice bowl of Coco Pebbles. That cereal gives me a boner almost every time.

My girlfriend’s supposed to come over around one in the afternoon but I don’t want her to. I want to be alone for the afternoon. Come early evening I got to go a 2 year-old birthday party. An old neighborhood friend of mine got this girl pregnant, and they thought “Hey what the fuck why not just bring this life into the world?! We both do a bunch of drugs, we’ll be great child rearers?!” I think my buddies mom forced him to force her to have the child so he’d move out of the house. Knowing this girl’s parents can’t even walk up stairs without losing their breath, it was a sure thing the baby would stay at their house, creating a luscious flow of human traffic to bring needed items to the bedside of the houses 300 pound owners.

There’s so many things wrong in this world. But it’s all good, because today Sunday.